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We saw Aquaman yesterday and it was not good! We didn't go in with super high expectations or anything--we expected it would be pretty bonkers (and it was) but we were hoping that it would be pretty fun. Jason Momoa is someone I know more about from interviews than from his actual acting, and he makes me think of, like, a huge excited dog in the best way. So I was at least hoping that some of that would come through, you know? And I think some of it kind of did, but probably more in spite of the film-making team rather than because of it.
In the first 30 minutes of the movie, you basically see a representation of each of the movie's different kinds of fight scenes. Then, for what feels like the next 12 hours you basically those same fight scenes repeated endlessly: Something explodes; he saves an innocent bystander to really hammer it in that HE IS A GOOD GUY, Y'ALL; he fights some dudes on land; he fights some dudes underwater; there's a few minutes of denouement so the movie can throw some incredibly tedious exposition at you, and then it all starts again. At one point, the movie turned into a direct to DVD quality Indiana Jones story and while that provided a change of pace, it was not a welcome one.
His love interest/token female character has the cheapest wig I've seen outside of a made-for-TV Halloween themed kids' movie, unnecessary cleavage, and the most boring stock Kung-Fu Princess/Strong Female Character characterization possible. She's usually a convenient know-it-all but we also get to enjoy seeing her not understanding how being a person on land works in, like, the dumbest possible way.
But her character is 1000 times more consistent than Aquaman. The movie can't decide if he's a happy-go-lucky fun ocean bro or a brooding wad of grump-muscle, so it just has him be both? Randomly? And, like, people can be contradictory and contain multitudes, etc. but there has to be narrative consistency! That's what I meant when I said that I think his personality came through despite the movie's actual creators. There definitely seemed to be opposing minds as to how this character was supposed to be and they did not meld well. He's either incredibly stupid, reckless, and generally affable or he's a clever problem-solver who deals justice with grim determination. Like, it's possible to be serious about Taking Care of Business but still being able to joke around and if the script had been handled more competently, maybe they would have gotten there.
There are two villains in the movie and both of them are dumb as hell. I know that Black Manta is, like, Aquaman's nemesis but his villain origin story as per this movie is just about the dumbest and most unnecessary one I've ever seen and he's COMPLETELY pointless vis a vis the overall plot and story. He could have not been in the movie at all and it would have been better and made more sense. The REAL enemy in the movie is poncy belligerent racist played by Patrick Wilson (who is an actor I am fairly certain is doing us a Benjamin Button and aging backward). And even he basically gets a moment for redemption?? Nothing of any real consequence happens in this movie!
It tries, too, to be funny. Like, this is CLEARLY DC trying its best to do Thor: Ragnarok, but the operative word here is "trying." Taika Waititi doesn't TRY to be a funny, witty, interesting person who makes good movies. He IS a funny, witty, interesting person who makes good movies. This was really bad Taika Waititi fanfiction and it did. Not. Work. There were visual gags that COULD have been funny, but the way they were played felt incredibly out of place and was just more jarring than actually amusing.
The entire thing was a mess. It didn't really feel like Aquaman actually grew or changed as a person. Nothing happened that seemed like would have any real ramifications for anyone, in the end. It was clearly only written to be a movie so it could have a sequel. Like... Just skip the origin story, guys, if you're that thirsty to get to the good stuff. He's a huge man who is the king of the ocean or w/e, has a girlfriend with a tragic nylon wig, and can talk to fucking fish. That's all we need to know! Exposition DONE!
The good points?
In the first 30 minutes of the movie, you basically see a representation of each of the movie's different kinds of fight scenes. Then, for what feels like the next 12 hours you basically those same fight scenes repeated endlessly: Something explodes; he saves an innocent bystander to really hammer it in that HE IS A GOOD GUY, Y'ALL; he fights some dudes on land; he fights some dudes underwater; there's a few minutes of denouement so the movie can throw some incredibly tedious exposition at you, and then it all starts again. At one point, the movie turned into a direct to DVD quality Indiana Jones story and while that provided a change of pace, it was not a welcome one.
His love interest/token female character has the cheapest wig I've seen outside of a made-for-TV Halloween themed kids' movie, unnecessary cleavage, and the most boring stock Kung-Fu Princess/Strong Female Character characterization possible. She's usually a convenient know-it-all but we also get to enjoy seeing her not understanding how being a person on land works in, like, the dumbest possible way.
But her character is 1000 times more consistent than Aquaman. The movie can't decide if he's a happy-go-lucky fun ocean bro or a brooding wad of grump-muscle, so it just has him be both? Randomly? And, like, people can be contradictory and contain multitudes, etc. but there has to be narrative consistency! That's what I meant when I said that I think his personality came through despite the movie's actual creators. There definitely seemed to be opposing minds as to how this character was supposed to be and they did not meld well. He's either incredibly stupid, reckless, and generally affable or he's a clever problem-solver who deals justice with grim determination. Like, it's possible to be serious about Taking Care of Business but still being able to joke around and if the script had been handled more competently, maybe they would have gotten there.
There are two villains in the movie and both of them are dumb as hell. I know that Black Manta is, like, Aquaman's nemesis but his villain origin story as per this movie is just about the dumbest and most unnecessary one I've ever seen and he's COMPLETELY pointless vis a vis the overall plot and story. He could have not been in the movie at all and it would have been better and made more sense. The REAL enemy in the movie is poncy belligerent racist played by Patrick Wilson (who is an actor I am fairly certain is doing us a Benjamin Button and aging backward). And even he basically gets a moment for redemption?? Nothing of any real consequence happens in this movie!
It tries, too, to be funny. Like, this is CLEARLY DC trying its best to do Thor: Ragnarok, but the operative word here is "trying." Taika Waititi doesn't TRY to be a funny, witty, interesting person who makes good movies. He IS a funny, witty, interesting person who makes good movies. This was really bad Taika Waititi fanfiction and it did. Not. Work. There were visual gags that COULD have been funny, but the way they were played felt incredibly out of place and was just more jarring than actually amusing.
The entire thing was a mess. It didn't really feel like Aquaman actually grew or changed as a person. Nothing happened that seemed like would have any real ramifications for anyone, in the end. It was clearly only written to be a movie so it could have a sequel. Like... Just skip the origin story, guys, if you're that thirsty to get to the good stuff. He's a huge man who is the king of the ocean or w/e, has a girlfriend with a tragic nylon wig, and can talk to fucking fish. That's all we need to know! Exposition DONE!
The good points?
- Jason Momoa has really good hair.
- There is, at one point, a giant enemy crab.
- Julie Andrews voices a Pacific Rim Kaiju.
- There's a pretty visual at one point when Aquaman and his lady friend are swimming away from some enemy hordes and they're illuminated by an underwater flare.
